My Soul is Eating Popcorn; an Exercise for Finding Control
A universal experience throughout the past months is the feeling of overwhelm. Regardless of age, appearance, or education, we have all had an element of our lives taken away which we before had controlled. This creates internal tension, which when left unchecked, can burst out in ways that feel uncontrolled, leading to even more tension. Thus, a vicious cycle begins.
I myself suffered through this. At the beginning of autumn 2020, I elected to take a semester away from my university, as I felt the online curricula were too half-baked for the cost of tuition. What I didn’t realize is that a product of this decision would be my subconscious loss of control. At the time, I was not as informed about psychological self-analysis (a topic to which I will attribute future articles) as I am now.
Because I had not learned the difference between the mind and self, I allowed my emotions to rule as law, not realizing that they were an unresolved product of my loss of control. What came of this was that I lived in a reactionary state, more drawn to what was going to make me feel good at the moment than what was best for me in the long term; for example, binge watching movies on Netflix. This chain of pain is avoidable.
The first step is to realize that who you are, or your “self,” is a separate entity from your thoughts or emotions.
Allow me to offer a visual aid. Imagine that inside your brain, there’s a miniature version of yourself (think of a scene from Spongebob or Pixar’s Inside Out) sitting in a big comfortable chair with a large popcorn; miniature you is watching the show. This is your “self.” Those who are spiritual may call it a soul, those who are not may choose to reference something like Freud’s id. Regardless, self does not have reactive opinions or emotion to what it’s witnessing.
Pixar Animation Studios, Inside Out
When I am in a difficult or triggering situation, I imagine a little version of myself reclining in a puffy leather chair with an afghan blanket and a cup of tea, regarding the world through my larger self’s eyes as a fascinating movie. This at once shifts the mind and body out of reactionary mode and into pure perception. Negative and uncontrolled emotional responses are far less, as you are neutrally observing and reacting as is necessary at the moment.
When you intently watch a movie, are you continually thinking about what a character said to the protagonist was five minutes ago? Of course not! You’re taking in the colors, dialogue, and characters in a meditative fashion, which is why so many people surmise to understand the lives of their favorite characters better than their own. Of course, they would! When was the last time you watched and listened without personal or selfish expectation to the plot of your life?
